


This is your own making

by rainonpavement



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-23
Updated: 2012-11-14
Packaged: 2017-11-14 21:32:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/519719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainonpavement/pseuds/rainonpavement
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jon’s always dreamed of becoming a cop, just like his uncle, and works hard to get into the Police Academy. But somewhere along the way this glorified profession turns out to have a few rough edges, and Jon ends up far off from where he started, and where he ever thought he’d be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. “So, why are you here?”

**Author's Note:**

> God, first of all- I have no idea how Police Academy works, OK? I googled. I improvised.  
> Also, when the idea first came to me about writing this AU, I kinda had the whole thing figured out, and there's a lot of stuff I want to happen. I'd say that this could turn monstrous if I got off my ass and actually committed to something for once.  
> Second, I based this on ASoIaF, but I have no idea if the story will follow that plot or just go its own way.  
> We'll see.

Police School is tough. Really tough. Jon’s barely making it, sweat running down his brow and making his curly hair cling to the back of his neck. He’s exhausted and his throat is dry from the dirt kicked up from the track, but he wants this, more than anything, so he continues on for another lap. When he looks behind him he sees that Sam’s still running- although he’s huffing and panting as he makes his way around the track and there are big, round stains around his armpits. Every time Jon looks at him he can’t quite fathom that the fat boy’s made it this far. Jon’s not really in shape, he’s all scrawny and _he_ has to fight for it. Sam’s got to have some super powers hidden under all that.. fat. Because Sam is fat. Everyone knows it. The coaches know it, Jon inevitably knows it after them always being put in the same group, and the other applicants definitely know it. Jon tries to ignore the constant comments Sam gets and he looks away in pity as they catcall him, stupidly indiscreet, in training. 

This is something serious for Jon, something honorable, respectful. Becoming a cop is wanting to help others, to give your life to protect those who are weak. Jon’s been wanting this for as long as he can remember, ever since he was old enough to talk and understand what his uncle really did for a living. Benjen was everything Jon wanted to be, strong, brave and respected. He was always being taken seriously, and Jon couldn’t imagine anything sweeter when he was eight and all his siblings did was making fun of him. 

It had turned into something else after that, it became more about the respect and responsibility than being taken seriously, even though his siblings never really gave up the teasing. Step-siblings, that is. Jon’s mother died when he was really young, and a couple of years after that, his father Eddard Stark had married another woman, ending up having five other children. It didn’t quite matter that all six of them grew up together, Jon never fit in around them. They weren’t mean to him, and they all carried Stark as their last name, but it was clear he wasn’t one of them. Not only because he was the only one who had inherited his father’s black hair, but also because he and his stepmother didn’t really get along. Catelyn, or Cat, as Eddard liked to call her, never smiled at him or treated him with kindness. Jon guessed she hated being reminded of the fact that Eddard had loved another woman before meeting her. He also assumed she was euphoric the day Jon turned eighteen and went to apply at the Police Academy.

It had been a couple of rough days, testing the applicants on everything from running laps to puzzles. After seeing the other boys, and one occasional girl, Jon became more and more doubtful that he’d make it. There were some real athletic and muscular people in his group, finishing the tasks long before him. But then, he always finished long before Sam, and even though Jon didn’t want to admit it to himself, it was a small comfort. And since Sam always finishes the physical tests last, that gives the other applicants in the group plenty of time to make fun of him. Jon never joins in, but he doesn’t tell them to stop either.

Jon can hear them snicker as Sam’s balancing his food on his tray, making his way between the tables in the gym that’s acting as a dining hall. But Sam doesn’t seem to mind or hear them, continuing on, almost dropping the tray as he stumbles. Jon decides he’s stupid and oblivious to the fact that no one seems to want him here.  
That is, until Sam chooses to sit down next to Jon and tells him his life story.  


Jon’s not really certain what happened at first, as he mostly looked around him, ashamed, wondering if they’d start teasing him now as well. But he catches up when Sam starts with his seventeenth birthday, when his father had given him an ultimatum. “Now, Sam, you listen to me, he said.” Jon looks up from his food, reacting when Sam tries to mimic his father with a ridiculously dark voice. “Either you go into the Force just like your ol’ dad or I’ll disown ya’.” Jon gaped at the harsh words. “Really?” he asked, shocked. “Yup,” Sam added just before stuffing his mouth full of beans. “So you just went here, and applied?” Jon couldn’t understand anyone treating their child like that, not after his own gentle father raising him. Sam simply nodded and chewed furiously on his food. “Huh,” Jon added thoughtfully. “What if you don’t get in?” he asked, looking at Sam’s stomach that was pressing at the table. Sam caught him looking, and shrugged, “I know,” he said bitterly, waving a hand at himself. “Guess I won’t make it, and then he’ll probably disown me anyway.” It was amazing how unaffected he seemed by it, and Jon scrambled his beans with his fork, imagining what it would be like growing up with a father like that. He was happy he was here by his own accord. 

Like Sam could read his mind, he looked at Jon and asked, “So why are you here?”, expectant, like you had to have a crazy reason like his to become a cop. Jon sighed. “I just- always wanted to become a cop, I guess.” Sam nodded, interested. “Like my uncle,” Jon added. “Oh, he’s a copper too, eh?” Sam looked around, as if he’d see one of the coaches bearing a sign saying “Jon’s Uncle” on it. “He’s not here,” Jon clarified. “He’s an officer, he’s on duty.” He could hear how proud he sounded while saying it, almost as if he was bragging, but Sam didn’t react. “Well, good luck with that,” Sam shoved another mouthful in, “I bet you get in, I’ve seen the way the coaches look at you.” Jon bent over the table, agitated. “Really?” he whispered, “What do you mean?” Sam shrugged, again, making his fat shake. “Just, like, they’re pissed, y’know? They’re all mean and tough as hell, but when you finished that puzzle, I could like totally see Thorne give a hint of a smile.” Jon looked at him with big eyes. “Not like, a happy smile because I don’t think he knows how to do that, but more of a that-son-of-a-bitch smile, y’know? Like he couldn’t, and didn’t believe you made it?” Jon threw a fist in the air. “Yes!” he whispered. “Fantastic!” Sam threw him a doubtful look but then seemed pretty pleased with making him happy.


	2. “No really, why are you here?”

In the end, Sam doesn’t make it. Jon does, but he can’t express his joy when he sees how Sam’s trying to keep a straight face. “‘s alright,” he mumbles, straining a smile. “I never thought I’d get in anyway.” Jon shakes his head. “I’m sorry,” he looks at his own letter, thinking of how heartbroken he’d be if he wouldn’t have made it. “‘s alright, it’s alright.” Sam waves it away with a fat hand, then drags it through his short hair. Jon can’t come up with anything to say. They stand in the hallway, awkwardly, as people pass them by. They both stayed at the academy during the tryouts, sticking together, and now when it’s done, Jon has to go back living with his family. But he realizes he’s not half as bad off as Sam, that has to go back to a father that’ll disown him. Even worse, Sam lives miles and miles away, making Jon contemplate if he’ll ever see him again.

But he does. Weeks later, when Jon’s putting down his last boxes in his dorm room, he hears a familiar voice behind him. “Need any help with that?” Jon drops the box and turns in one quick motion. “Sam!” He’s relieved to see a familiar face, and when he lets himself think about it, he’s missed Sam. A lot. “Hi,” he answers, almost shy, looking around curiously. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be back ho-,” Jon interrupts himself, remembering that Sam probably was thrown out the minute he got back. “I mean, eh, what, yeah- what are you doing here?” Sam seems as oblivious as ever, looking around Jon’s tiny room. “Thought you might need some help,” he mumbles, leaning over and looking at the only thing Jon’s actually managed to unpack this far. “No, I mean-” but Sam interrupts him, pointing a clumsy finger at the frame hanging on the wall. “Who’s that?” Jon smiles and steps forward to join Sam by the wall. “That’s my dad,” he explains, pointing at the tall man in the middle of the photo. He’s looking at the camera, big, stubbly smile and long hair hanging in front of his eyes. Jon points at the almost identical man sitting on his left, a bit younger with short hair. “And that’s Benjen, my uncle- you know, who’s a cop?” Sam nods enthusiastically, lets his finger pass over a young Jon, all black curls and skinny limbs, and then stops with his finger over the tiny, white pup in Benjen’s arms. “And who’s that little fella’?” He shoots Jon a smile, but it fades fast when he sees Jon’s sad features. “That’s Ghost,” he answers. He swallows quickly, not wanting to think about it, but Sam looks so horrified that he ends up explaining it anyway. “All my siblings got our own pup a couple of years ago. I got Ghost, and we kinda grew up together.” They’re silent for a while, until Sam hits him with reality. “Couldn’t bring him here, eh?” Jon shakes his head. “No, it wouldn’t work. But it’s OK.” Although it really isn’t and Jon misses him more than anything, but he knows that there’s no other solution to this than letting Ghost stay at home. He shakes himself mentally, tries to focus on Sam, who’s _here_. 

“So, do you need a hand with anything, or..?” Sam trails off as he starts picking at Jon’s stuff, a couple of old books that fell out off a box earlier. “No really, Sam, why are you here?” Sam looks up at him, then facepalms dramatically. “Oh god, I can’t believe I haven’t told you yet!” he exclaims and somehow Jon’s dragged into a huge hug. “I’m in!” he booms, and Jon flinches at the sudden intrusion on his ear. “You’re- you, _what_?” Jon manages. Sam lets go of him and his smile is blinding. “Dad pulled some strings or something, y’know, for ol’ times sake and _I’m in_!” Jon can’t help the grin that erupts on his face. “You’re in?” “I’m in.” “You’re in?” Jon knows he sounds like an idiot but he can’t quite comprehend these brilliant news. “I know I’ll have a hella time with the blood, God knows I can’t stand it, and the physical, I don’t know how the ol’ man managed that but, I’m in, and I’m stayin’!” This time it’s Jon who’s initiating the hug and he manages to come out of it alive, still grinning.

Sam ends up living just down the hall, Jon had chosen a single room and apparently it wasn’t even an option changing rooms but you can’t have everything. In the first days they’re placed in groups, and Jon thanks God or whatever for him and Sam being sorted in the same one. Sam’s as ignorant of the continued harassment as ever, but Jon tries to stand up for him more. 

The groups are meant to be their “new family”, where you can trust everyone and that means a lot of cooperative exercises, including the one where they’re supposed to agree to a name for their party, which almost ends in a fistfight. In the end though, when they get their jackets, black with your name in white in front and “The Night’s Watch” in capital letters on the back, everyone seems happy. Jon and Sam stayed mostly silent in the discussion but when “The Night’s Watch” came up, seemingly the only non-vulgar suggestion, they cheered as loudly as the others.

The days pass by quickly and they discover that not everyone in their group is an asshole. Jon and Sam end up spending more and more time with two other boys in “the Watch”; Grenn and Pyp are just as ridiculous as their names, always goofing around and making fun of the officers. Although being total opposites, they go surprisingly well together, and from what they tell Jon and Sam, they’ve been friends for years. Pyp is small and skinny, large ears and nose, and has an incredibly quick tongue, always carrying around a punchline for _everything_. And then there’s Grenn, large and beefy, a bit slow but often very sincere. He’s also the only one in the gang not having dark, raven hair, instead sporting an impressive brown beard and short, auburn strands on his head. Jon takes great pleasure in watching Pyp and Sam having discussions, Sam with big honest eyes, taking Pyp with great seriousness while all Pyp actually does it mess with Sam’s brains. 

Once Jon asks Pyp if that’s really his real name and that was the first time Pyp actually shut up. Grenn had just waved a hand, dismissively, with a “Leave him alone, sensitive subject-thing.” Otherwise they get along well. 

Jon finds out that Grenn’s a big dog-lover too, and they spend hours comparing and discussing dogs while Sam reads (as always) and Pyp lies whining on Jon’s bed, bored (as always).

They’ve been spending every free hour with Grenn and Pyp for approximately two weeks when Jon enters their room without knocking and finds out that they’re a bit more than friends. Pyp is insanely ashamed, even though Jon only walked in on them kissing, but Grenn calms him and simply states that it could have been worse. Jon nods and then quickly erases all pictures sneaking their way into his head. But Jon’s fine with it, and Sam’s embarrassingly fine with it, being all “ _how did you two meet-y_ ”, like they aren’t the same people anymore. Jon explains this and Sam blushes, mumbles something about being curious and that’s that. If they hear any shit about gays from other groups, or worse, from their own, Grenn just stands up and clenches his fists, looming high above everyone else at 6”5, and then that’s about it.

Jon envies them sometimes, when they say goodnight and they all retire to their dorm rooms and Grenn throws and arm over Pyp’s shoulders and they walk together down the hall. Even though Jon has the three of them, he misses someone to call family. He doesn’t see Benjen often, almost never, and that’s probably his biggest disappointment when it comes to the Academy. When they meet it’s short, never more than a couple of _hello’s_ and _how’s it going’s_. Most of the time Benjen’s out, patrolling. Jon’s not supposed to know but there’s been a lot of disturbances in the bad parts of town, and Benjen’s busy keeping an eye on the different gangs controlling the streets there. 

Also, Jon misses being at home. Misses Robb, the oldest after him, misses spending time with his sisters and playing with them. Most of all he misses his father. Eddard calls sometimes, but he also believes in Jon taking care of himself, and gives him space to grow on his own. Although Jon’s pretty sure he still calls Benjen about three times a week, just to check that his son’s still alive.  
And Ghost. Jon misses Ghost. When he gets all sentimental and homesick and starts babbling about how Ghost always slept in his bed, Sam discretely picks up a book as Pyp rolls his eyes, very indiscreetly, but Grenn sits down next to him and listens, honestly caring. They never had pets, and Jon tries to understand how crazy he sounds when he complains about being away from Ghost, but Grenn tells him to let it go, because he understands, after all. 

Sam seems to have no problems at all being away from home. He talks about his mom sometimes, but always endearing stories that end with him smiling. Grenn tells Jon how he’d been living on his own a year before he and Pyp applied to the Academy, and jokes about how his family never really was much for hugs anyway, but Jon can hear some sadness in his voice when he says it. Jon’s sure Pyp misses his family, he’s got a couple of younger brothers, but he never hears anything about it. Pyp keeps most personal things to himself, and Grenn. Jon’s fine with that, but sometimes it makes him feel weak when he’s having a bad day and all he really wants is to curl up in front of the tv with his siblings.

The first weeks are an introduction to the following years that will turn them into qualified policemen; for some reason, Jon hasn’t seen a single girl, not even in any of the other groups. The weeks that follows are the hardests in Jon’s life, with training and getting used to the tight schedule they’ve been given. Sometimes he wonders how they’re all getting by, especially Sam, but then he notices how the fat boy sometimes gets winks from the coaches, and Benjen says something about “orders from the top”. Jon’s really glad Sam’s with him, and he wouldn’t have it any other way, but he doesn’t really like how there’s “cheating” going on where they’re training cops. Aren’t they supposed to be following the rules even harder than everyone else? His mind sometimes wanders but he tries to ignore it, just being happy that Sam’s actually there. 

Grenn’s a monster when it comes to training. It’s the part which he takes most serious and he gives 110% every time. He often finishes first when strength and stamina’s involved, but Pyp proudly beats him when it comes to running laps fast. Grenn likes to pretend he’s very upset about this, but Jon notices how happy it makes him just to see Pyp happy.

Even though Grenn can be huge and scary when he wants to and Sam’s got three faithful friends behind him, some guys still give them a hard time. This guy named Rast (seriously, what’s with people’s names in the Watch, Jon wonders?) seems to have decided that he hates everything the four of them are doing. Ever since he’s realized that Sam’s getting a free pass in the physical training, he’s been a bit distant, knowing they have friends in high places. But he’s still on them, small things that they can’t really tell anyone about, because they could be just mistakes or misunderstandings. He “accidentally” trips Sam on the way to lunch one day, throws notes with undignified gay jokes to Pyp in class, making him blush, but worryingly enough, also shut up. Jon’s basically boiling one day when Rast just happens to take his bag from the changing rooms and then drag it through the mud. But chief inspector Thorne will hear none of it when the four boys tries to get Rast expelled or at least warned, or something, because they’re sick and tired of being bullied. He just waves them off, and when Sam starts with a but, he practically yells them out of his office. Pyp wants them to do something about it, give Rast a piece of his own medicine, but Sam’s too wimpish and Jon too righteous for anything to actually happen. They end up trying to ignore him.

One particularly grey Thursday, Jon runs into Benjen, only to realize that the older man looks extremely tired, dark circles around his eyes and wrinkles on his brow. “Everything alright?” Jon asks cheerily, seemingly waking Benjen out of his trance. His uncle stops next to him, and gives him a weak smile. “Hi, Jon,” he mumbles, as he looks around him, dragging a hand through his long hair. “You look tired,” Jon points out, and Benjen huff out a laugh. “Yeah, rough week,” he sighs, “Lost two damn good men yesterday.” Jon looks at him with big eyes. “What? Who? What happened?” Benjen huffs out a laugh at Jon’s curiosity, but answers anyway. “Can’t tell you much, boy, just that they went out patrolling and never came back. Car was found burnt out on abandoned parking lot, but not a sign of them.” Then he sees Jon’s worried look. “No one you knew, some boys from the other department, fine men, though.” He shrugs, as if to shake the feeling off of him. “You don’t have to go telling this to all your friends, right, Jon? Not really supposed to tell you this stuff to begin with.” Jon shakes his head desperately, taking pride in the trust his uncle puts in him. “What do you think happened?” Jon asks carefully, not sure if he can get more out of him. His uncle visibly tenses, then looks at Jon seriously. “We don’t got no proof yet but I bet this was the work of those gangs downtown. They’ve been growing bolder lately.” Jon nods and then they’re joined by Benjen’s partner who’s always kind to Jon and gives him friendly advice, but now he’s all serious and excuses them from his presence. The whole thing leaves Jon with a bad taste in his mouth.


	3. We’ll speak when I return

Soon the whole Academy knows about the two missing policemen, and when Benjen raises an eyebrow at him, passing him in the hall, Jon swears he kept his mouth shut, and _he did_. 48 hours into their disappearance they are all called to gather in one of the lecturing halls. It’s crowded and none of them gets a seat except Sam who just sits down on the floor. “Tell me if something exciting happens!” he whispers to Jon and totally misses it when Jon rolls his eyes and Pyp sniggers. Grenn is serious though, and maybe they all should be, two of them are out there, missing- maybe dead. Grenn sends Pyp a look that would make Jon cringe and definitely shut up, and when he hisses “Seriously, shut it!” to Pyp it is as if they all have forgotten the fact that Pyp both lacks the ability to shut up and be serious. But it’s all forgotten when Commander Mormont steps up on the stage and clears his throat in the microphone. Over his short time in the Academy, Jon has developed a great respect for the old man, seeing the faith the inspectors put in him and hearing them praise him.

But when he steps up on that stage is the first time Jon actually sees him, as the Commander spends most of his time in his office. He’s older than Jon’s expected, with a thick, white beard covering his cheeks and heavy wrinkles around his eyes. His shoulders are broad and his uniform is a bit tight around the belly, and he carries himself with a sureness that makes Jon like him immediately. When he speaks it’s with a strong, clear voice, as solemn as the message it’s carrying.

It’s nothing out of the ordinary, Jon suspects. Procedure when some of the own men goes missing, or something like that. He tells them that they will be informed about any news, and then fills them in on what they know, killing the rumours that basically have been flooding the dorms over the previous day. Before Mormont ends the speech with a couple of kind words of hope, he adds that they should all stay out of it and makes some remark about not being a hero, and then it’s over. The hall empties quickly, people pass by them, murmuring, as the four of them struggle to get Sam on his feet in the crowd. Grenn makes a final pull and Sam’s standing, and when they head for the exit, they are some of the last ones in the room.

Jon stops though, when he hears a familiar voice calling his name from behind. Turning, he sees Benjen, waving for him to come closer, standing next to the Commander by the stage. Grenn gives Jon an understanding smile and they disappear out the door as Jon approaches the two men, nervously.

Mormont’s voice is much more relaxed when he reaches out a hand and greets Jon warmly. “So this is the nephew we’ve been hearing so much about,” his smile is genuine, and Jon finds himself returning it. Benjen nods proudly and claps Jon on the back a couple of times. “Yah, this is Ned’s little bastard,” he then adds with a chuckle, and the Commander joins him. Jon, being nervous in the old man’s presence, lets only out a strained huff. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Jon,” Mormont then says, making Jon blush up to his ears, and he mumbles something incoherent in response, but the Commander doesn’t seem to mind. “Ah, and it’s nice to know that we’ve got another man like your uncle in the force as well,” he adds, now making Benjen smile shyly, and Jon sniggers at his reaction. Mormont grins, and Jon realizes how much he wants to become just like him- respected but down-to-earth, praised but serious about his work. “Ah, well,” the old man sighs. “Back to work now, and you certainly got things to prepare, hm?” He looks pointedly at Benjen. “What?” The word was out of Jon’s mouth before he could stop himself, and Mormont sends him an amused look. “Curious too, eh? Told you not to get him too involved, Stark,” Mormont then shook Benjen’s hand quickly, and then left with a “It was nice seeing you, Jon”.

They wave him off and then Jon and Benjen are the only ones left in the big hall, Mormonts footsteps echoing as he exits. As soon as the door closes after him, Jon turns to his uncle. “What was he talking about?” He asks, feeling a bit betrayed, even though he knows he shouldn’t, because actually he shouldn’t know anything about Benjen’s work to begin with. But the feeling’s still there, nagging at him- he’d liked the thought of that his uncle confined in him. But Benjen smiles at him, and ruffles his hair, just like he did when Jon was twelve and they used to play together. The gesture feels like home, and suddenly Jon gets that feeling deep in his chest again, a strong longing for his father, his family. Benjen wakes him out of his thoughts. “I’m going out patrolling tonight, we’re staying vigilant, especially downtown.” Jon nods seriously. “So, as Mormont said, I’ve got some things to do.” Jon nods again, and then it turns awkwardly silent. “So, yeah. We’ll speak when I return. Tomorrow probably, I’ll be needing a long good sleep, I guess.” Then they hug quickly, and Jon hurries after his friends and Benjen towards his office.

Later when he catches up with his friends he really just catches up with Sam. When Jon gives him a questioning look, Sam just waves a hand and smiles and says “Pyp”. And Jon lets out a little laugh, because Pyp always insists on walking fast and Grenn can’t really say no because his boyfriend is truly his soft spot, so Jon understands. Sam doesn’t mind either, and Jon’s always kind of amazed by how well the other boy copes with being on his own. Not that the three of them dumps him alone daily, but he never seems to mind the solitude in the way that Jon does. In general Jon assumes it’s about how Sam isn’t dependent on his surroundings. He can easily get lost in a book or a daydream even with noise and motion around him. Jon is different. He likes to be attentive, something he has carried with him since he was young and Benjen gave him some advice just for fun. He is concerned with how people see him, how he presents himself, while Sam just _is_. He doesn’t care at all, and to Jon, it’s refreshing. He seems to have a relaxing effect on Jon, as they don’t have to talk all the time they spent together, but rather just enjoy each other’s company.

As they walk back to their corridor, they feel how the tension and actually, God forbid, the excitement concerning the missing cops have died down a little. But then Sam nudges him with his elbow and hints to a table they’re passing, and Jon finally understands what Mormont meant by “being a hero”. A bunch of guys, not from the Watch, are crowding around a table and talking in hushed voices. Though Jon manages to get a glimpse of a map, and it all comes together. _Of course_. In an entire academy filled with young boys with dreams of becoming a cop, saving the day and rescuing fair maidens (or something, Jon doesn’t really know the other students’ motives), of course a couple of them will try to figure out the missing cops case by themselves. Jon watches them with a look of disbelief before they continue walking.

“That’s just a really bad idea,” he finally manages, as they’ve gotten out of range of the other boys. Sam chuckles and looks to the ground, and Jon spots a blush spreading over his ears. “No.” He says, amused. “You did not want to solve it yourself?” Sam rolls his eyes, embarrassed, and nods. “Kinda did,” he admits. “Know I can’t.” Jon smiles and gives him a clap on his shoulder. “Sam, I had no idea you aspired to become a hero.” Sam quickly corrects him, “Actually, I’ve always wanted to be a wizard.” At that Jon can’t hold back his laughter, and he’s so glad he’s found someone as genuine as Sam. It would have been so much harder making it through all this on his own. “A wizard? Hmm, never thought of that as an option, but now that you mention it..” Sam replies by roughly ruffling his hair, and Jon lets him. “I’m serious!” Sam says. “It would be amazing. All those spells and books and I’d probably have a robe..” Jon just rolls his eyes at his friend, and smiles as they enter their building.

The first thing he sees when he opens his door is Pyp, splayed out on Jon’s bed. Then he spots Grenn going through his bookshelf. “Is this a drugs bust?” He jokes, and closes the door behind him. “Grenn has nothing to read,” Pyp sighs, “And I have nothing to do.” Jon pushes his legs aside and joins him on the bed. “As usual, then.” That earns him a kick in the ribs, and Grenn just grins. He goes through the books on Jon’s bottom shelf, lowering himself to the floor, not looking away from the books as he speaks. “So, what did the Commander say?” The question instantly captures Pyp’s attention. Jon just shrugs. “We said hello, he welcomed me, and that was it?” Pyp snorts. “Yeah, right, skip to the good part, what did he say about the gangs?” Jon looks surprisingly in Grenn’s direction but the other boy just shrugs. “Everyone thinks it’s the gangs, Jon. No one’s been eavesdropping or spilling their guts.” Jon relaxes at that. “So..?” Pyp urges, irritated. “Nothing,” Jon insists. “Really, nothing. And why would he even be sharing that kind of information with me?” Grenn looks over his shoulder at Jon. “I think Pyp means that you could have overheard something, rather than being told directly?” He gives Pyp a hesitant look and Pyp smirks as to confirm that it was _just_ what he meant. “That would be eavesdropping,” Jon points out. Another kick in the ribs. “Stop it!” Pyp grins. “I didn’t hear anything. My uncle had to head out, so it was very short.” Instead of calming Pyp down, it only seems to encourage the boy. “Head out? Where? To do what exactly?” But before Jon has the chance to answer, or actually, _not_ answer- because he takes his promises seriously, Grenn shuts Pyp up. “You shouldn’t pressure Jon, it’s not very nice if he’s promised not to tell.” Jon gives Grenn a gratifying smile after that, and Grenn returns it. Pyp just starts pouting. “I’ll take this,” Grenn then says, holding up a book that Jon hasn’t read yet, but he nods anyway. “Come on now, grumpy,” Grenn then adds, amusement in his voice, and reaches out a hand to Pyp. He helps him off the bed, says bye, and they leave.

The door’s barely closed before Sam opens it and walks in. He throws himself on the bed next to Jon and smiles. “What?” Jon asks, after a moment of silence. “You never told me what the Commander said,” Sam explains eagerly, and Jon just sighs. But he lies down next to him and tells him what there is to tell anyway.


	4. Jon Snow

Jon wakes up late the following morning. Properly late. When he tiredly blinks the sleep out of his eyes and realizes something’s wrong, he’s already missed his first lecture. It takes him a couple of moments of lazy stretching before he acknowledges, and recognizes, the odd feeling in his gut. He’s purposely been well in time for everything this term, and now fear grips him, and he springs out of bed so fast he gets stuck with his foot in the covers. In a chaos of sheets and his own limbs, he manages to get control of his fall and ends up ungracefully landing on his butt instead of high-fiving the floor with his face. He checks his clock for the third and fourth time; both his digital alarm on the nightstand, that’s seems to have failed doing its job; and his phone, in order to figure out what he’s missed. He should be dressed for running track in three minutes on the other side of campus. If that isn’t bad enough, his brain also reminds him that it’s the first class with their new teacher, and he cringes internally at the thought of this being his first impression.

When he’s fully dressed, though his shoes are sloppily laced, he looks in the mirror and deems himself presentable. He’ll have to shave before lunch instead. He’s jogging through the corridor when he spots Sam’s track shoes still outside his door. Jon practically yanks the door open, only to find his best friend comfortably asleep, oblivious to their catastrophic situation.

“Sam!” The panic in his voice must cut through Sam’s calm dreams because he’s suddenly sitting bolt upright in his bed, looking truly terrified. “Where?!” he shouts, and Jon can almost let himself relax enough to laugh at his peculiar choice of interrogative. Almost. “We’re so absolutely screwed if you’re not in your full gear in 15 seconds!”

Sam blinks at him, confused. ”How am I supposed to get ready that fast?“ Jon sighs, but starts digging through his friend’s drawers, throwing socks, shorts- even though it’s too cold but it’s Sam’s fault that he’s managed to hide all his longs today anyway- shirt and his Night’s Watch jacket. Sam catches it all clumsily, and starts getting dressed way slower than what’s humanly possible in Jon’s opinion.

”What’s t’hurry?“ he then says, muffled by the shirt being pulled over his head. Jon doesn’t have the patience for Sam to get his shoes, so he snaps them from the corridor and starts putting them on his feet, while as calmly as he possibly can, he explains the reasons why they should be going three minutes ago. ”First- _hgg_ -day- _pff_ -with the- _dammit!_ -Qhorin,“ each word punctuated by grunts caused by his attempts of fitting Sam’s feet in his clearly too small shoes. Sam pushes him off when he’s got both feet halfway in, and starts tying the laces. ”The Qhorin?“ he asks, amused. Jon sends him his best if-you-don’t-shut-up-i-might-actually-have-to-kill-you look and Sam thankfully shuts his pie hole before following Jon out the door.

They get to the track twelve minutes late- twelve minutes too late to actually be able to take part in the class. The group’s already left, and Jon is so frustrated he can’t hold his laughter when Sam dramatically falls to his knees in the grass and shouts a long excruciating ”no“ towards the sky. He then seems happy with making Jon smile, and Jon convinces himself that missing only two classes of the entire first term isn’t that bad. Hopefully Qhorin’s a good guy and won’t make them run extra laps or anything.

It’s somewhere between cold and refreshingly chilly outside, and even though it’s closer noon than morn, the grass covering the field is still filled with half-frozen dew. Jon takes a deep breath to calm his rushing heart, but he’s interrupted by Sam making a keening noise. “Some help here?“ he begs, and Jon is quick to assist him to his feet again. Sam looks unnecessary freezing in his shorts, now wet knees, and uncovered head while Jon’s already sweating from the short run across campus- as he’s fully dressed with thermal underwear, mittens and beanie.

They don’t have much to do on the field now, as the group won’t come back for yet another hour, so Jon decides they should retract to the cafeteria instead. Sam’s more than happy with his proposal, and adds that Jon probably should buy him a hot chocolate for his troubles. Jon laughs as he definitely thinks it should be the other way around since he's always the one waking Sam up and preventing him from missing 50% of his classes- but then again, Sam is freezing and Jon just happens to find a fiver in his pocket.

The cafeteria is pleasantly unoccupied this time of day since most students are in class, so the only noise comes from a couple of guys discussing their homework while drinking coffee, and the clerk unloading the dishwasher behind the counter. Jon doesn't recognize them, but when they nod in his and Sam's direction he smiles anyway.

After they get their chocolate, they choose one of the sofas by the windows and manage to get a beautiful view of the first snow of the winter. As Jon starts peeling of his outer layers of clothes, Sam smiles and comments on how beautiful it is. Although, when the snowflakes start coming down heavier, he gets a frown on his brow. Jon asks him about it, and Sam mutters something about them having to shovel during the winter in gymclass. Jon ignores it, and tells Sam to do the same. They'll get through it, they might even get to make snowmen! Sam stares at him seriously.

“That's just silly,” he then says after a moment of silence. Jon barely believes his ears, Sam being such a child himself, but then his friend cracks and Jon can't hold back the laughter escaping him.

“Yeah, that'd be cool,” Sam nods. “Maybe Qhorin is a really nice guy and he'll let us?” The question is honest, not just a spoken thought, and Jon gets where it comes from. Some of their other teachers, not all, but some: like Thorne, are highly serious about their work and are really strict when it comes to rules. Jon gets it, when it comes to weapons and that sort of thing: you don't want a bunch of nineteen-year-olds running around waving their guns- but in other elements Jon doesn't really understand why it would be wrong with a little laughter every now and then. Maybe this place wouldn't be that threatening then, he thinks, reminding himself of the first weeks when everything was new and the teachers a bit frightening. You get used to it, sure, but it takes a while.

Jon seems to have tuned out, because suddenly Sam is in a highly excited dialogue (actually more like monologue) about what's coming in two months. “Patrolling! For real, can you believe it? This term has gone so fast...” Jon snickers. “It's not over yet, Harry.” At that Sam turns hastily to look at him with a confused look. “Did you just call me Harry?” Jon suddenly feels his cheeks warming up, slowly turning red. “Yeah, you know, Potter. Like the wizard, you said you wanted to be a wizard so I thought, like," but Sam's roaring laughter interrupts him. Jon hides his face in his hands, muttering. “For God's sake I was just trying to joke, Sam!” Sam nods through the tears that escapes his eyes. He just manages getting out “ _Tried being the key word_ ” before he starts laughing again. Jon smacks him on the head and rises. “Let's go back to our rooms before you get a heart attack.” While he grabs his jacket and the pile of mittens and his extra socks, Sam dries the tears from his cheeks, but eventually he rises to follow Jon down the hall.

The snow’s still falling slowly when they arrive at their dorm to change for next class. In the hall they’re met by two red-cheeked, walking snowmen, and Sam acts horrified at the sight of them, but neither Grenn nor Pyp seems to find it funny. “Twelve miles!“ Pyp shouts as they meet, throwing his hands in the air and sounding perfectly exhausted. “Twelve miles in wet snow and then ice!“ They are both dripping, the snow covering their clothes slowly melting in the warmth of the building.

Sam sniggers, and Grenn sends him a smile before asking how come they failed to show up earlier. Before either of them can answer, Jon’s being pulled into a wet, _cold_ hug. He fights to get away, but when Pyp releases him, he’s well covered in sleet. Pyp laughs. “Jon Snow, how nice to meet you!” He holds out his hand but when Jon refuses to take it, Pyp pushes past him, grinning, to get to his and Grenn’s room. “Shower! Heat! _Actual feeling in my limbs_! Oh, Jon Snow, how I’ve missed the sweet warmth of the indoors!“ They hear him shouting till the door’s well shut behind him, his last words rather muffled. Grenn laughs and shakes his head, accidentally(?) sending chunks of snow on both Jon and Sam. “We overslept,“ Sam then says, while eyeing Grenn suspiciously as he removes the wet substance from his face and shoulders. He looks particularly comic with his eyes squeezed into thin lines, but Grenn doesn't seem to notice. Instead his eyes go wide, and he turns drastically to Jon. “ _You_ overslept?“ he asks with a dramatic gasp, hand on his chest. Jon sticks out his tongue at him before pointedly looking at his friend's soaked clothes. “You should probably go change, you might get ill, y’know.” Grenn gives him a playful push, and a right-back-at-ya, before following Pyp down the hall. His loudly yelled “hot shower!” is followed by the slam of the door.

The moment they're alone in the hall again, Sam turns to him, suspicion still clear on his face. “Did you see what he did there?” he asks quietly. “He got snow all over me! _On purpose!_ ” Jon gives Sam's still dry jacket a quick look before rolling his eyes. “And what did Pyp do to me then? Baptize me in snow?” he asks, sarcasm thick in the question. Sam sends him an apologetic look and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Exactly. From this moment on, your shall now be known as Jon Snow.” Jon doesn't have time to come up with an answer witty enough before Sam winks at him and starts walking towards his room. All he manages is a childish “I will not!”, but he knows it's weak. With a sigh he enters his room and makes quick work of getting out of and hanging up his wet clothes. The world outside his window is blinding, white snow now covering the lawns and weighing down the branches on the trees. He smiles. Winter has always been his and his father's favorite season.   
A short look in the mirror reminds him that he still has to shave before next class, but before he gets into the bathroom, he sends a short text message to his father.

_“Winter is coming.”_


	5. Bad News

This time, they manage to keep the whole thing a lot more low-key. Jon doesn't have a clue of what's been going on until he's called into Mormont's office and is informed about the situation.  
The week had passed seemingly fast due to the excitement and tension concerning the missing policemen, and after the few classes Jon had on Saturday afternoon, he and Sam had gathered a bunch of new movies and spent the night watching them. It had been fun, great actually: Pyp and Grenn joining them for a while, and later even a couple of other guys from the Watch. The had all taken advantage of the opportunity to stay up since they were free on Sundays and could afford sleeping in late. Which was exactly what they all did on Sunday morning.  
Jon didn't leave his bed till eleven, relishing in the warmth of his bed and just relaxing for a while. He hadn't seen Sam at breakfast, his friend probably still in his comalike state he claims to be just a deep sleep, but Grenn was there and Jon had joined him by the otherwise empty table. They had talked for a while, Grenn seemingly trying to use the nickname Jon Snow as much as possible, and Jon grinned every time. It wasn't _that_ bad.  
When they parted ways, Grenn headed for the library to finish an essay, and Jon back to the dorms to change for his run.  
He'd dressed as warmly as the day before, thick shirt and mittens, and headed out into the forest. The ground had still been covered in white, the snow muffling the sounds and making it peacefully quiet. Jon's breaths were white clouds in front of him, replaced by crisp winter air when he inhaled. By the time he'd returned to campus he'd been pleasantly exhausted, with his shoes almost soaked by melting snow and his shirt sweaty.

He could feel the odd tension that hung in the air the moment he entered the dorms: perhaps it was the way Pyp was disturbingly quiet and Sam looking quite uncheerful compared to his normal self, and he proceeded immediately to his group of friends gathered in the sofas.  
“Jon!” Sam was out of his seat, standing bolt upright at the sight of his friend. His tone was different but Jon couldn't seem to identify what was changing it. Grenn and Pyp remained seated, Grenn with a long arm over Pyp's tiny shoulders, but both of them sharing the worry Jon could spot in Sam's eyes. “What's going on? You're scaring the crap out of me!” Sam gave the couple in the sofa a quick look before turning to Jon again. “Commander Mormont is looking for you. He wants to meet you in his office.” Jon frowned. “Then why are you all acting like someone died?” He clicked his tongue, gesturing towards them. “He probably just want to give me an award or something, perhaps for keeping you guys in check, heh." He let out a strained huff to demonstrate that he was joking, and it was supposed to be a laugh, but he could see how his friends noticed how tensed he was.  
“I think it's pretty serious, Jon,” Grenn said, voice solemn. Jon shook his head, both to tell his friends that they were overreacting and to try to get rid of the images unwillingly making their way into his brain: his father hurt, even dead; or even some of his siblings, dead eyes staring at him. Or Ghost. _Please, please, let it not be Ghost._ Jon didn't pray, but he surprised himself with the begging thought. 

“Nah, I'm sure it's not.” He didn't know if he was trying to convince himself or his friends with the words, and it seemed like he failed either way. The room turned quiet, and Sam was the one to break the silence. “You should probably get going,” a whisper, almost, as he was tip-toeing around Jon, scared he'd upset him. Like they hadn't done that already. “Yeah, yeah.” But Jon remained frozen on the spot, his limbs not responding and thousands of awful scenarios running through his head. “Wha-” he cleared his suddenly dry throat, his lips working hard to form the right words. “What do you think it is?” Again, a whisper in the quiet room, nothing but the buzz of the muted tv right next to him filling the void.  
Pyp opened his mouth quickly- and there he was again, the old Pyp, not worried, quiet, awkward Pyp, but Grenn gave him a stern look that shut him up before he spoke. Jon's eyes flicked between them. “ _What?_ ” His voice now desperate, hands turning cold and mouth somehow even dryer. Grenn was there to calm him. 

“We really don't know, Jon, and there's no use in talking about it when you can just go and figure it out, ok? We'll be here when you come back.” Jon nods, now looking at Sam who's still standing in front of his chair. He seems to read Jon's mind, because after only a moment of meeting Jon's eyes he says: “I'll come with you.”  
The walk to the main building has never felt so long before. Jon doesn't remember much from it, him being busy with just trying to shut out the worried voice in his head shouting all the different, all equally terrible, scenarios that can be about to unfold. Sam is by his side the whole way, until they suddenly reach Mormont's office and Jon is pulled out of his mind. “I'm right here.” Jon nods. “Yeah, I know.” He gives the door a long look, as if this might be the wrong room, but no, Commander Jeor Mormont is engraved in the little gold plate at eye level. Jon gives Sam one last look before he knocks and here's a muffled “C'm in!”. The door handle is cold against his now sweaty palm when he grabs it, and Sam gives him a pat on the back before he enters. 

Mormont's positioned behind a huge desk with his back against the windows still showing the white snow from yesterday. He's hunched over his keyboard, seemingly having trouble with finding the right keys. Once in a while he looks up at the monitor, glassed eyes oddly close to the screen. Jon closes the door after him and nervously dries his hands against his trousers. He realizes he's still in his gear, previously sweaty wet undershirt now uncomfortably cold against his skin.  
Without looking up, Mormont just waves a hand and says “Sit down,” voice clear and loud in Jon's ears. So he crosses the room, almost stumbles on the gray carpet but gets himself together quickly, then sitting down in one of the two padded chairs in front of the desk. Which is somehow messier than Jon expected it to be, although the folders and seemingly infinite number of books in the white bookshelves are organized neatly, so he assumes the Commander normally keeps better track of his documents. 

With a strong click on the mouse, Mormont seems to be finished, and he removes his glasses, letting them hang around his neck. “Jon, yes, good you could come.” Jon just nods, meeting Mormont's tired eyes and keeping his gaze. “I'm a straightforward man, and I believe honesty is key to how I run this place, so I'll give it to you straight, boy.” There's a small pause, as if he's waiting for Jon to confirm this, affirm, approve this approach of his. Jon gives a quick, short nod and the Commander clears his throat. 

“I'm sad to tell you that your uncle never returned from his patrol duty this Saturday.” 

Jon's heart stops. It's as if all sound is blocked out and he's alone in his brain, dreadful silence echoing the words back to him over and over again. Benjen? No. Benjen is smart, Benjen is strong and an experienced police officer, not Benjen.  
He feels sick. He didn't even give his uncle a thought earlier, because he's always the one protecting others. He thought of his siblings, a couple of broken bones, sure, or a car crash and a dead furry blur lying on the hard asphalt, but not Benjen. 

“Jon?” the Commander brings him back, his voice penetrating the lid on his ears and he's pulled back into reality again. “We have our best men looking, and-” Jon's tear filled voice rudely interrupts him. “Benjen was the best.” Mormont seems taken aback by his comment but leans forward, putting his elbows on the table. “We're doing everything we can, Jon. And I thought it only fair to inform you, since you're related.” Jon looks at his hands, anywhere but the Commander when he feels hot tears shaping in the corners of his eyes. “But I do,” and now Mormont's voice is strong, demanding his attention, “fully expect you to be reasonable during all this, Stark. I do not want any silly escapades of a boy trying to do a man's work- dangerous work, are we clear?” He nods, but the Commander's not pleased. “I said, are we clear?” 

“Yes, sir.” He looks up, cheeks red from embarrassment of the tears travelling down his cheeks, but the moment he meets Jeor's eyes, the older man's expression changes. “Good.” Jon can't stop sniveling, making it even clearer how badly he deals with this, but Mormont looks at him kindly. “It's ok to be upset, Jon. It's natural, and I don't want you swallowing your feelings, but we have to keep our hopes up, alright?” He smiles softly towards Jon. “He's not been gone long, and we've been working constantly to track his last known whereabouts. If he was dead, I'd know.” Jon looks up at the odd statement, and Mormont must see the question on his face because he continues, “Murderers are often show-offs. They tend to be. We haven't found the two other policemen yet, and that's a good sign. If someone killed them they probably would've shown the world their work.” Jon tries to grasp the concept in his crowded mind but ends up just humming a “yeah”. 

“The reason I haven't told you earlier is that I wanted to know for sure what we were dealing with here. Also, I do not wish for this to come out in the school like with the previous incident, and I hope you understand this.” After Jon's snotty “yes”, he continues. “I know you got some good friends here, Jon. Loyal friends. You can tell them, just make sure they know that I want this to stay away from my students. I will make an announcement when I deem it appropriate, alright?” Jon looks up at him, feeling tired in his entire being, legs and arms heavy. “Yes, sir.”  
“Good. I'll let you go now, and as soon as I get to know something, I'll update you. If there's anything else, I'll be here. Feel free to contact me at anytime, ok?” Jon nods, and it seems like it's the only thing he's capable of doing, words odd in his dry mouth and voice failing him.  
Before he leaves, Mormont gives him a warm hug, the older man embracing him completely, and Jon realizes how much he trusts this man, this new father figure of his. 

Sam's white as a sheet when Jon leaves the office and he imagines he looks pretty much the same. Jon knows he's got a true friend when Sam doesn't immediately throw a bunch of questions his way, but instead opens his arms and lets Jon collapse in them. He tries to form reasonable, short sentences about what he just was told, but they're muffled by Sam's shirt pressed tight to his face and his constant hick-up from his crying. He doesn't know how much sense he makes, but Sam seems to understand, and eventually Jon lets go. 

When they make it back to the dorm, Jon walks past the common room, and directly towards his room. He can faintly hear Sam explain the situation to Grenn and Pyp in a hushed voice. He needs to be alone, or with someone who understands, and as soon as he closes the door behind him, he reaches for his phone. His father is on speed-dial, just press “2” and “Call”.  
It's the first time in years this father's phone goes to voicemail on him. He hangs up quickly before he accidentally leaves a short message of his ragged breath. Instead he sends a quick text, asks his father to call him a _fucking_ sap, and then lies down on the bed. Silent tears escapes his eyes, and after a while he gets under the duvet, grasping the phone in his hand and lets himself go.


End file.
